5 Thoughts about Transitioning.
*******This is real and raw and word vomit a little bit*******
Transition sucks sometimes.
I used to think about moving overseas and how wonderful that would be. Don’t get me wrong, I do think its wonderful the way God has laid out Cambodia so clearly! Moving overseas though isnt this glorious, romantic thing like I imagined in my head 5 years ago. Transition can suck. There is so much to be done: goodbyes, packing, endless paperwork. You have to get life insurance, create death plans in case something were to happen… Im sure that is normal for most Americans, but I never even thought about it before. Even though it sucks sometimes, God is worth it. Where He leads, I will follow. He is going to take care of me and all the things that need to get done. I am so thankful that He is the planner of my life.
Transition is bittersweet.
Transition is like soaking everything up and also grieving that this wont be my reality for the next few years at least. Bittersweet. When I am with my friends, I sometimes feel like I’m just a fly on the wall instead of actually being there. I take in the sounds, smells, and memorize their laughs. I will miss their laughs. As we talk and eventually dance, my mind goes to this is the last time I’ll be able to do this for a long time. Soak it in. Dance my little heart out even if I am crying while doing it. The last two years, God has given me friendships with so much depth; something I have longed for for a really long time. It’s bitter because I wont physically be here for new memories like when my “big sis/friend’s” new baby takes his first steps or laughs or the Christmas party but its so sweet that God has given me friendships that aren’t bound to time or continents. They seek me out. They will tell me about all the new memories. We’ll still have coffee dates via facetime. And I will still joke around with my bestfriend. They wont forget me and I wont forget them.
Transition makes me aware of the unknown.
Moving overseas is like being a baby learning how to walk for the first time. Its unclear how to do it or where to walk too. I could fall flat on my face, but also get right back up and try again. I don’t know where I will live. I don’t know how I will learn the language. I dont know alot of things. Its like walking into a dark room with a tiny lit lantern. The lantern is God. He goes before me and behind me. He never leads me where He wont go. He is worth the risk. So worth the risk. He is trustworthy to follow. He is teaching me about hope. I can be hopeful about the promises of God. He is faithful and a promise keeper. What is known is that God has very clearly laid out Cambodia. Provided for it. Has given dreams of it. So even though I dont know ALOT of details, I have enough light to keep putting one foot infront of the other.
Transition is all the feels.
I’ll be driving down the road with my bestfriend singing and laughing then…BAM… tears just flow out of my eyes. I was talking with my mom about what my dad is cooking for Christmas morning because He always cooks, and when I found out he might not be cooking sister Schubert pigs in a blanket… I really lost it. I was in Ross with my childhood friends and got in my car and started crying. The last week has been full of crying and grieving that things are changing. I read a blog recently that talked about all the feels while transitioning:
“People are all about “staying strong” and stuffing emotion. When did being strong become synonymous with showing no emotion? You are saying goodbye to a place you loved, people you cared for, and dreams of a certain life you were going to have so it’s ok to feel sad. I’ll say it again, IT’S OK TO FEEL SAD! It’s ok to feel all the emotions, have lots ugly cry’s with snot and red puffy eyes with your main peeps. Process these emotions with “your peeps” those family and friends that are “lifers,” those with you through thick and thin. Buy the expensive lotion tissues and have all the feels, it’s needed.”
Ask any of my close friends and they will all say I have all the feels. Let me. Its way my way of dealing with!
There are dreams and excitement that come in transition.
I have been talking about Cambodia for so long that I wasn’t sure if it would ever happen or not. When I was allowed to purchase my plane ticket, the reality of moving really set in. I have a date, a one-way ticket, and a heart full of anticipation of the future. I love talking with God about Cambodia and what could happen. Women will be set free. Khmer people will know Jesus. I’ll know another language. I feel God the most overseas; I believe its a way He pursues my heart. I’ll be able to see the faithfulness of God in even deeper depths! I’ll have a family there.. Khmer and American! I’ll get to see the sweet sisters I made back in August. Many dance parties to happen. Many lessons from God. The biggest hope and dream is that God will be glorified and people will know Him. I’m thankful and humbled that He would let me be apart of that. All the hard parts of transitioning overseas is worth the one getting to God for the first time.
Transition is real and rough. If you know anyone moving somewhere to follow God where He leads, tell them you love them. Encourage them. Pray with them. And let them do the same for you. We all need a little love and alot of Jesus!
-Kristie Allison
PS.. if you didnt know, I am moving to Cambodia in 17 days for 2+ years.
